Hi Julieta!! Super last minute comment:) Your final reel is amazing! Such a fun adventure and great moral about getting older and friendship, the ending is so sweet. Great additional frames in the beginning (i recall your story from a prior livestream) they definitely added clarity. Your artwork depicts the story well. I love the last sceen too haha. Great job!!!!

Hi Gina! Thanks for taking the time to comment on my submission!
I’m so glad that you liked the story! I implemented several changes using last week livestream feedback, so it’s nice that you noticed an improvement :)
Thanks for all the compliments and great job to you too, we did it!!

Hi Julieta! I really enjoyed your story, and can definitely feel the emotional weight Albert is going through! Dealing with getting older and how the person we view ourselves as doesn't match reality. Something that I've witnessed in my parents getting older and even in myself. So right away I've immediately connected with your story. I liked Albert's character arc and even how the penguins were able to get revenge as well. I think having a little narration would have been nice, but the illustrations and story were quite clear. So I was never lost, and I felt connected with your characters the whole time. I hope I get to see more of your work in the future! Well done!

Hi Alex! Thank you so much for feedback, I really appreciate it :)

I'm so glad you were able to connect with my character. At first I was afraid that it would be difficult, since he is not very nice at the beginning of the story, but luckily his attitude improves as we reach the end! Growing old is something we all have to go through sooner or later, and I wanted to reflect the loneliness that this process can bring. But there is no reason to take old age as a bad thing, but as an opportunity to discover new facets of ourselves, like Albert!

In this story I set myself the challenge of trying to tell it using purely visual elements, since I had never done it before. Also, I have to confess that I don't have a talent for voices as good as yours, so it wouldn't have been as entertaining a narration as your story haha. Even so, I am sure that in future stories I will be able to include some dialogue/narration.

I hope you have enjoyed the program as much as I did! I also hope to keep in touch to see how you develop future projects! :)

Loved the commitment to your visuals. No voice over really made this piece stand out. Show don't tell all the way. really well done. Sweet heart warming ending. Love the final bit where the penguins drown the villain. Great work.

Hi Titus! Thanks for taking the time to comment on my submission!
Since week 5 I decided to remove my narration completely, and the truth has been a very difficult process! Sometimes I had to triple the number of drawings of a scene to be able to convey the same message. Still, I had a lot of fun doing it and I think it was worth it.
Your nice words mean a lot to me, I'm so glad you liked it! :)

It's so cool to see how this idea of yours blossomed into a finish piece! I really enjoy the antics of the elderlies and the penguins! The mission are also fun--very Ocean Eleven's. The only final note I have is it'd be fun to see if his plans are not always successful, so he'd need to modify or adjust to complete the missions. The conclusion of not catching his arch nemesis was shocking but a good call! And what a fun way to end it w the penguins. All the elements to make an entertaining movie are there!

Hey Ivan! Thank you so much for your nice words!
I've changed quite a lot of things from my last submission, but there still is room for improvement! I think that would be funny too, but the storyreel would have been too long if I included a sequence like that :(
Thanks for taking the time to comment on my submission, I really appreciate it! :)

I have been waiting for this! The changes you made worked perfectly and the story is easy to follow and understand. It is incredibly well done and the music is perfect! What I really like about this story is how they save the penguins, but the penguins save Albert. It is a good lesson in helping others but a bigger lesson too in the elderly and what they go through mentally. I am glad you told this story. You did such a good job with this since the beginning and I will miss looking for your story each week!

Hi Mason! Thank you so much for your nice words!
It has been an incredible experience for me. It means a lot to me that people like you who have been following the story over the weeks see improvements with each new version.
I will miss looking forward to your story too! Thanks for helping me in this project. I wish you good luck in all your future projects, and count on me for whatever you need! :)

Hey Julieta,

First of all, congratulations on finishing your story reel! And wow, what an amount of great improvements compared to last week’s submission, I really admire it that you've been able to incorporate so much! The improvements really benefit the story; the overall flow of the story can be clearly followed. I'm so glad I got to have followed your progress, you took everyone's feedback very seriously and turned it into really good improvements!

The character arc of Albert has become stronger and stronger over the weeks, going from an egoistic, best world detective to his mental ‘bottom’, to a sympathetic man that really finds out what’s really important in life. When I first heard the idea of your story, I told you it could be very hard to empathise with a protagonist who isn’t likeable at first, but the development of Albert definitely proved me wrong.

In terms of visual clarity, you have interesting compositions which are clear to read. This also makes the story easier to follow.

Your opening sequence really evolved into a much clearer one! I can see better now that the mission that they’re looking at in the control room is actually live (not a replay) and that they’re following Albert. Also, handing the confidential file to Albert before, really makes it clear what his objective is. The reason for his firing has also become much clearer!

The rest of the changes and additions you’ve made in this last version are just superb. Not only did you change a couple of sequences for structural clarity (for example, the penguins sequence in the zoo), you also went the extra mile by making details more prominent, which served as big clues for your story. These changes turend out great!

And by the way, the ending still gets me every time. The way that Albert comes to the conclusion that the spy life isn't for him anymore and that he now has friends to enjoy the rest of his days, is just wonderful. Not only idea wise, but also how you've executed it.

The only tiny points of feedback that I would have, is to change the timing of some shots a little more (some shots went by a little fast) and try to make some things less depending on text.

But besides that, the amounts of improvements that I’ve seen is just superb! It turned into something fantastic; I’m really proud of you!

Finally, I had a blast to be in this program with you. The amount of time that you've spent on giving feedback to me, but also incorporating everyone's feedback in surprising ways, is something that I really admire about you.

Let's definitely keep in touch and I can't wait for your next stories!

Hey Diederick! Thanks for commenting on my submission for the last time!

I'm so glad to hear that you like all the changes that I've introduced for my last version. I didn't have time to change all the things that I would have wanted, but there is always time to do that after the program!

I remember your doubts about Albert's character. Looking back, I realize how much progress his character has made. It hasn't been easy being a total inexperienced in telling a story, but I think that with everyone's help in the end I have managed to create a quite friendly character (although it takes time to see that facet of him). Thank you for sharing with me that you have changed your mind about that, I consider that a very big achievement.

How much time have I spent doing the opening sequence! In the first, second and third acts submission, I constantly added something new to see if it was better understood, but there were always doubts. It took me almost the entire program to create a believable opening sequence for Albert, but I've finally done it! I want to thank you for helping me so much with this first part, especially the last few days on Discord!

I must thank you for your great suggestion about the penguins in the zoo. You gave me a good idea to be able to explore more in the character of those adorable animals, and the best way to connect them with the elderly. I'm super glad you liked the changes!

I'm so glad you like the ending! It's a sad and happy ending at the same time, I'm quite happy with how it turned out :)

I will continue working on the story to try to improve on the little things that I still fail at. With time and practice, I hope to get better at this!

Thank you very much for all your compliments. It has been a great project for me, at first I didn't know what to expect from this program, I knew I was going to learn but I never imagined how much! I am sure that it would not have been the same without the help of great colleagues like you who have cared and invested time far beyond what the course requires to help me improve my story.
I liked this course so much that I don't even know how to describe how happy I feel to have finished it, but at the same time sad because I would like to continue learning. Fortunately, I know we'll still be connected on Discord, so that makes the ending a little less sad!
Once again, thank you for all the time you have invested in my story, and congratulations on reaching the end of the program!

Very unique idea! And love how it came out from the last submission in last live’s discussion, I see the focus on the elements and how visually it has evolved! Really great job and the hard work shows! Music is just on point and I love the ending! Congratulations wishing you all the best!

Hi Habiba! Thank you so much for your nice words!
I'm glad to know that you see improvements in my story, I have worked very hard since last's week livestream, but it was totally worth it!
Thank you so much and congratulations to you too, we did it! :)

Visual Storytelling:
The blue symbol found on Albert's nemesis plays an important role in connecting the story. Since the symbol is the only one that is colored blue, this distinguishment will help the audience remember the symbol throughout the story in the following example scenes: [ 03:27, 04:55, etc. ].

Character Development:
At the start of the story, we are introduced with Albert, who was a spy agent that has failed multiple missions. The story has established Albert's wants/goals that relates to failing capturing his nemesis. Within the middle portions of the story, the audience is reminded of Albert's personal goals. One of those reminders includes Albert's dream, which shows that Albert still wants to capture his nemesis in (03:33-03:38). The other reminder of Albert's personal goals is when Albert saw his nemesis (05:00-05:10) after the rest of the elderly went on a boat. Even though Albert failed his personal mission after being captured by his nemesis, Albert had learned to move on past his spy lifestyle (05:45) after being rescued by the other elderly people. At the end of the story, Albert does get his reward (whether he knows it or not), when the penguins they rescued captured Albert's nemesis and threw him into the sea.

Story Structure:
The "Until One Day" portion of the story with the penguins, is a strong turning point for the story. While Albert visits a zoo, Albert and the other elderly people get an unexpected invitation from the penguins, who are trying to call for help. If Albert or any of the elderly people were to decline the penguins' paper airplane, the events of the story would not go anywhere. It is very interesting to see that the penguins had a history of failed multiple attempts of calling for help to other people; the failed attempts are shown by the garbage can filled with multiple paper airplanes (02:00-02:15). It seems that Albert and the penguins did (expected or unexpectedly) share a common trait of facing and enduring multiple failed attempts in their lifetime, despite their different life styles.

Final Thoughts:
Congratulations on having this story being featured for Week 7. Hearing the live feedback from the hosts, helped addressed important elements, such as the pace of presenting the scenes; more specifically, when the scenes are presenting the six steps on the penguin mission (04:08), the host clearly explains the importance of showing important content at a reasonable time for audiences to understand. For the final reel to not have any dialogue, while having only music and sound effects paired with the drawings, shows the effectiveness of "Showing, not Telling". Random question, does Albert's nemesis have a name? I personally enjoyed viewing "Frosty Elderly", and best of luck for future projects.

Hi Winston! Thanks for taking the time to comment on my submission :)

In last week's livestream Brit and Elyse made me notice that I didn't make the symbol stand out enough for how important it was in the story. I'm glad that it is clear now!

I'm so happy to hear that the beginning is clear for you! I had a different version last week, and in general the first act was the most unclear part in all the feedback I received. I had a hard time redoing that part, but it was worth it!

The truth is that during these two weeks I have had time to reflect on the weakest parts of my story. Some of the suggestions I had last week was to introduce the penguins in the first act. When I thought about it, I realized that they are the reason various events in the story unfold, but I had given them very little importance. For this reason, in this new version I dedicated much more time to them so that they can have a little more protagonism. I want to continue exploring more about them in the future!
I really like that you have noticed the connection between the penguins and Albert failed attempts in his life. I wanted him and the elderly to be able to save another beings which, for other reasons, have been separated from their family, and they just want to go back to what they had before.

Thanks! I was so excited when I saw my story in the livestream! That feedback was great to help me improve the weakest parts of my story.
Albert's nemesis name is Joseph Klein! I never wrote it, but that's the name that comes to my mind when I think of him.
Thank you so much for this great feedback, best of luck to you too! If you need any help in the future, contact me on Discord!

Hey Julieta

I know this is the final submission for the class, but I still want to provide a bit of feedback in case you decide to continue to work on the project beyond this course. Hopefully the notes are helpful, but as always, feel free to ignore any that don't match your vision. And most importantly, congratulations on finishing your storyreel!

You've done a great job making it clearer who Albert is and what his mission is in the opening.

The three kids in a vampire coat for Halloween was cute, funny, and totally unexpected. Tons of fun!

I honestly didn't need the sequence about Albert's money troubles. I never had an issue with the idea that he'd move into a retirement community after he retires.

I'm not exactly sure why, but having the penguins only write to the people makes it easier for me to suspend disbelief than actually having them talk.

I really love how they break the penguins out and hide them. So cute!

I love how you did the planning with the images and then kept focusing in on one at a time. It was a clever, effective way to do the scene we see in every heist movie where they walk everyone through the plan while we see it unfold on screen.

I love the drawing at 5:52 where we finally see him happy with the other old folks. It really wraps up his journey. It then makes the ending feel like a comedic button, which is great! What a fun final sequence!

Overall, I think this is really fun. I've watched you develop and improve this story every single week and it's so great to see it culminate in this final submission. I had a blast watching it and you should be super proud of what you've created!

Hey Allen! Thank you so much for commenting on my submission one more time!

It's nice to hear that the beginning is much more clear now. There were so many doubts about the first act that I decided to change it almost completely, I'm happy that it was worth it!

Thanks for noticing the Halloween part! Before uploading the story, I showed it to my family and for some reason nobody related the children's vampire coat to Halloween, so I'm glad to see that at least someone managed to relate the two facts haha

In my previous versions Albert went to the nursing home for a medical problem, but this was never understood using only the drawings. So this time I decided to create some other kind of problem. I needed there to be a compelling reason for him to go to the nursing home against his wishes, since if he had gone voluntarily some other scenes would not make sense, like when he starts making his plan to go back to his spy job.

I removed the talking penguin part largely thanks to your feedback. It shocked you a lot that they appeared directly in the second act, and also they only spoke in one frame and then I didn't really refer to it again. That is why I decided to remove it, since I thought that in this way it would be natural to know about them for the first time in the second act. I am very happy that you found it better, your opinion was the one that interested me the most regarding this since you were the one that had the most doubts about that scene :)

I had a great time drawing the zoo escape sequence, I like that you share my enthusiasm about that part!

The last few weeks you, as well as other people and also on the livestream, had made me notice that it was impossible to read all parts of the plan. Last week I introduced each phase using a solid background and text, but when I was editing the video it seemed to me as if they were power point slides haha. That's why I decided to use my drawings directly, since I had made them for something, I'm glad you like it!

I would have liked to add some extra drawings of Albert having fun with the rest of the elderly, but time was against me!

I want to thank you again for all the help that you have provided me over the weeks. You can't imagine how much I have learned thanks to your detailed comments, nor the number of times I have reread your suggestions to see the best way to attack all doubts. Among many other things, this course has taught me that I can learn a lot from peer feedback, and you have undoubtedly been a key player in that. Thank you for coming back to my submission every week and helping me improve my story. I'm sure we can continue to help each other in the future!

Hi Julieta, first of all a big congrats to delivering your work. You did an amazing job (on the story, drawings and editing)! The story was very clear to follow, and I have to give you compliments in how you convert the given feedback into work. You can be proud! 🐧

Hi Jelle! I'm so glad that you like the changes, thanks for having helped me with the story the last couple of weeks :)
Congratulations to you too, we did it!

This has potential as a unique story with unique characters!

I feel like the story was about a failed ex-spy who decided to help penguins escape to their native land. I like that! It shows an unusual mix of character types and a heartwarming story. I like how the bad guy got dumped at the end by the penguins.

Music didn’t feel right. It was loud and fast and pulled me out of the story. I turned it off to focus on the images.

While there were lots of images, the editing was too fast, and many of the scenes were unclear, because we didn’t have time to see what was happening.

I recommend making the hard choice to limit your number of images to perhaps 25% of what you have, so that we can focus on each scene longer. Take longer to show the scene and do less cutting, less zooming.

Hi Ben,

I’m sorry to hear that the music wasn’t right for you. I put a lot of effort into trying to find the right music, I also asked for feedback about it last week, as I know it's a very difficult thing to select well. I'll try to see if I can find some kind of music that goes better with the story.

I agree with you that maybe some images go by too fast, although I have tried to focus on finding the correct time for each one after last week's feedback. I can increase the screen time of some of them a bit more, but I think that reducing the story to 25% is too much.

Thanks for taking the time to comment on my submission!

Hi Julieta, this has been a great journey to follow. You've made really good use of the feedback that you deservedly got from the previous stream, and there is no confusion left in the story. It's all in the little things, like zooming in on parts of the plan one at a time, and then Albert hiding the 7th step behind his back. Really well done! I am confident we will see this reel somewhere in the awards ceremony. Bravo!

Hi Nikita! I’m so glad to hear that there is no confusion left! It has been a very hard work for me since it is the first time that I try to tell a story, I think that never in my life have I made so many drawings in such a short time haha

When I signed up for this program I was sure that I would learn a lot over the weeks, but I never imagined that I could learn so much. And I don't just mean the livestreams, I think the feedback I've gotten from all of you over the weeks is what has really helped me think through all the details and things I can improve on the story. I've learned a lot from other people's stories too, so it's been a totally amazing experience for me.

I thank you very much for all the nice comments you have made to me, and the fact that you have reviewed my story from the first to the third act, making me notice every week the things that had improved and those that were still not clear. Your help has been incredible for me, thank you!

Awesome job Julieta! It’s been so fun seeing the different iterations of this and this version is the best yet! I think the new intro works really well to show Albert failing and in general everything is very clear in this version!

As I said before, it’s really impressive that you made such a fun and easy to follow story without using any vocals! Great job!

Hi Dakota! Thank you so much for taking the time to review my submission for the last time!
I’m glad to hear that you like the first act, I changed it almost completely since there were a lot of doubts about it. It was hard, but I think it was worth it!

Thanks for your nice comments and for having helped me improve my story over the weeks. This wouldn’t have been the same without all the great feedback I’ve received from all of you :)